gaeln (gaeln) wrote,

So Easy to Say...

A few years ago when it came time for a friend to put their dog down, in my own head, I was all like - 'well, when it's Erte's time, I'm gonna respect her dignity and not keep her around just for my own selfish needs and do what's right, I've made her that promise and I'll keep it.'

A couple of years ago it was the same when another friend had to do the same for their cat, in my head I'm thinking just how I'll be when that time comes for my cat, I'll be strong and do what's right, all the way up to last year when my best friend, Barbara, had to put her Isabella down. To her though, I wasn't just talking in my head, to her I'm like - 'mygod, woman, how could you spend 3 thousand dollars on a cat' - with her kind of embarrassed for having done so which she didn't need to be, it's her money. To her I was, 'it's her time Barbara, she's lived longer then anyone could have expected, the right thing to do is let her go. She knew it and eventually she did.

So now our time has come, Erte's fifteen and she's stopped eating and tomorrow at 9:00am I have to keep my promise to her and even just thinking about doing so is fucking me up. It is just so easy to say I'll be brave, I'll do what's right but doing it, man, that's whole other thing entirely.

I'm doing exactly what I thought I would never do, throwing this sad little missive all on my sweet flist and for no other reason then catharsis and maybe the knowing that somewhere out there gentle thoughts will come our way. I'm comments-locking this because that's not what this is about. I don't want that.

Just remember if you make a promise, some day you may just have to keep it which I'm sure you will no matter how hard.
Tags: personal

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