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I have a Confession to make....

I never rewatch QAF...not ever which, undoubtedly, explains why I like to write AU.

I buy the DVDs, rewatch them once, okay it's not that I NEVER rewatch the show, I rewatch each season once, then put them away. And, actually, for Season Five, I only rewatched bits and pieces and 513 just to see if it was as bad as I remembered it was.

And it wasn't, for me it wasn't as bad one year later, but...

...I was so pissed when 513 aired, I felt ripped-off, like I'd invested all this time, emotions, money (the cost of five seasons of DVDs and CDs adds up after a while) and I felt like I didn't get the pay-off I expected...wanted...needed.

When I realized where 513 was going, I remember curling up into a little ball on the couch, thinking "they better not, they better not" but they did, they left Justin out and I was seriously seriously pissed. When it ended, I jumped up off of the couch, screamed mother-fuckers at the credits, went over to my husband and told him, "I gotta go," to which he replied, "you're really upset about this, aren't you?" I walked down the hall to our bedroom muttering, "yeah, I am,  I really am."

It wasn't the ending as such, it wasn't the story-line. I realized this fairly early on. Justin could have been anywhere, there are a thousand million reasons why he wasn't there, none of which having anything to do with Brian and him not being together anymore. I started writing my post513 story within a couple of months and in it I made everything turn out as I wanted. I had no involvement in the famdom, read no other post513 stories, working in complete isolation and I made myself happy.  Now I can read any post513 story (except gaedhal's evil stream, sorry, I read everything else) and I'm fine with it.

So what was my problem with the ending? I wanted a perfect last visual, one final ohmyfuckinggod image to carry me through (you know, like that tongue-kiss at the end of the busting-down of the backroom's door, then the cut-to-credits, then the cut back for that beautiful all-in-blue, 30 sec. kiss) and it wasn't there. How could it be when Justin wasn't there so...

...yesterday, as "research", I rewatched 513 and you know what? it is there, my perfect visual, I just never realized it and no, it doesn't include Justin, obviously but, for me, it doesn't have to. That sounds strange, even to me, because it's Justin I totally relate to but my visual is there nonetheless and it is just before the cut-to-credits. When Brian is dancing, when he throws his head back, his eyes just closed, all bathed in golden light, with his arms outstretched in front of him, it really is a ohmyfuckinggod image, how can anyone be so beautiful? and bam, cut-to-credits. That last little bit when they come back to Babylon after the credits doesn't exist for me, as far as I'm concerned, I never saw that.

That's not the Brian from season one that I see up on that platform. the Brian I see is a changed man, changed for the better and changed because of Justin and so...

...it really is only a matter of time.

Oh...I also rewatched the trying-on-of-the-tuxes scene, Brian so loves Justin. the way he looks at him, touches him, hovers over him...fuck. And honestly I got misty-eyes...I really did.

It's good.

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Comments

gaeln
Mar. 17th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC)
I have to guess that if you're a fan of wham-bam you're probably not much into Ethan, xhaleslowly as I seriously doubt he's ever heard of wham-bam and since it is his writing I keep foremost in my mind when I'm writing sex well, I can't help but wonder. For me the Weapon blow-job sex scene is one of my favorites, I'm thinking it's probably not one of yours, more like Justin's the 'I just fucked with some straight guys so now I'm gonna fuck with you' sex scene. Oh well to each their own I guess.

I know he should have been there but it is what? three to four months after he's left Pittsburgh, it'd take Brian at least that long, according to Ted, to get Babylon up and running, so who knows what could keep him away. All I'm saying is it doesn't have to be bad.

So maybe he wasn't there literally, maybe just figuratively in the changes we see in Brian. I really can't help but wonder if they weren't just being mean to Randy for bad-mouthing the show, I remember a point when I wasn't that happy with him myself but I don't know, seems seriously childish. I will have to keep the B/J tux scene as my final perfect visual of them even if that wasn't at the end.

I can't help but wonder if I've not missed out on something since I've never watched one single episode of either Buffy or Angel. If I were to say, get it on Netflix, do I have to have seen Buffy to understand Angel?
sonofabiscuit77
Mar. 18th, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
I have to guess that if you're a fan of wham-bam you're probably not much into Ethan, xhaleslowly
Actually, I quite like reading softer gentler sex scenes, it's just the watching where I like the action to be a bit rougher!! and yes I think chair!sex is definitely up there for me...

I always thought that the last scene of QAF was the same night as Brian leaving and that what he's seeing is all just a hallucination... huh, I never thought of it as being three or four months later - that's an interesting perspective and definitely more uplifting than my version of "it's all in Brian's head" ;-)

As for Buffy and Angel - do it, do it!!! No, seriously, it's fabulous and you don't need to have seen Buffy to get into Angel (though it does add more to the viewing experience), it's not totally necessary. The one great thing about Angel is that it's a world populated by pretty, pretty men who are secretely (and in Angel/Spike's case not so secretely) in love with each other... hee! Well go check it out, you won't be disappointed.
gaeln
Mar. 19th, 2007 01:35 am (UTC)
First paragraph - oh good, I know just what you mean.

Second paragraph - some think it's not even the reopening, that it's several months after that which is what one of the writers of the episodes says. I do think it's the reopening, I just took Ted's estimation to Brian of 90 days to get Babylon up and running and added a little to get my time frame, I never thought of it as fantasy because of all the people outside, Brian might imagine the inside of Babylon but would he imagine everyone outside?

third paragraph - okay, sounds good to me. *runs to netflix*

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