gaeln (gaeln) wrote,

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Happiness Month_Day Six

Day Six
Three Gratitudes_18/ 63
          I'm grateful:
16_that in the main, David, Lauren and I have been very health
17_that I have an active inquiring mind
18_that I have thoroughly enjoyed drawing all my life and writing over the past decade as my creative outlets

One Positive_6/ 21
My positive for today would have to be the day itself, warm and sunny so that I was able to get a nice amount of yard work done after doing my meditation but before heading off to the grocery store. I caught up on LJ, caught up on email, read a canto in Paradiso, did one major household chore which was to clean the inside of the refrigerator, I wrote one of the 20 little verses I need to for the little book I'm working on, and I did this post. Productive day!

          I did one act of doing something beyond the normal.
Actually for today, I'd call this more about getting my priorities straight, a kind of confession.
          How do I say this? When I first learned that Randall & Brian were fiction, I felt a fool and felt much more sad about the fact that they weren't real then about the fact that the woman who had created them had died. Priorities messed up.
          A tiny bit of backstory. After S5, after leaving the Showtime Showboards, while trying to find QAF fandom, the first people I found were Randall, his stories, his yahoo group, Ethan xhaleslowly and a woman named Danny who has her own site which is amazingly still there.Through Ethan, I found LJ and through Randall, I found Brian. And while I was never 'in' with either Randall or Brian, I just read and commented on their stories, they had nonetheless always been there, supposedly just living their lives, and so, I felt this stunning sense of loss because I believed.
          My first unthinking response was to blame Carol and for this, I apologize. Without her, we never would have had either of them in the first place so, I've determined to just let it be, at least for myself. Lots of others got far more involved then I, became friends, confidants, receiving phone calls and presents and cards, very elaborate stuff and, for them, this realization must be more difficult to reconcile, but for me, I'm just sorry that for a little while anyway, I allowed my priorities to become skewed. So, thank you, Carol, for allowing me, for at least a little while, to spend time with your creations. I just hope you were happy with the path you chose.
          I did exercise, by working in the garden for over an hour!
          I did meditate, using my iPod, this activity, after only six days, is something I look forward to doing.

Fifteen days to go.

Tags: personal_mission101_4th

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