gaeln (gaeln) wrote,

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I've been meaning to tell you...

my dear LJ friends, that for the past little while, we, Daiv, Lauren, and I, have been on a journey that was not only unforseen, but that has been life-transforming, and that, simply put, has had some serious ups and downs.

That journey is really and truly Lauren's as she transfroms from who she has been, our sweet girl, to who she is to become, our sweet boy. A boy who will probably be named Aaron but, like the pronoun-shift, her name change hasn't happened quite yet, but soon. Very soon.

I've told pretty much everyone I know in Real Life and everyone I've told has been fantastic. Even those I was somewhat concerned about. Eveyone has been amazing and, interestingly, everyone has told me that they've known someone, acquaintance, friend, family member, who's transgender. I on-the-other-hand, until Lauren, had not. I assumed, while she was growing up, that she was like me, just a little less feminine than all the rest of the girls. No nail polish for us or pointy-heeled shoes or pastel colored clothing, us both always vearing toward the guy stuff in stores because we found their colorways so much more attractive than the girl stuff.

And that's why she was confussed as long as she was, thinking she was like me, pretty damn androgenous. But one day googling what all the letters stood for in LGBT, she realized that the 'T' applied to her. Then, a while later she told me and then, a while later she told her dad.

And now I tell you because I've always known that I was brought here for a reason beyond QAF and even beyond the friendships I've been privledged to find here. My journal in the future is going to become a place where I store the memories of this journey of ours which, I hope, some of you will take with us at least part of the time for part of the way. Any feedback I may get from you will be appreciated because, despite Real Life friends, I still sometimes feel very alone in this.

Lauren told me sometime ago that for some parents it's as though their pre-transgender child has died and while maybe a little dramatic, I can understand that. With each next injection of testasterone I give her, she becomes less woman and more man and I can't help but look at the photos of the little girl she was, the woman I saw her  becoming so clear in my mind, and mourn her loss.

Still inside Lauren is Lauren, a little more moody and tempermental than before we started the shots, which BTW will continue for the rest of her life, but she is also so much happier than before we'd started on this journey, when ahead of her all she saw was the unknown. Now she knows, at least as far as we are concerned, she is safe.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this.

Tags: gender equality, personal
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