CHAPTER TITLE: Cyberspace Journal_Eleven of One Hundred
RATING: this chapter: PG
WORD COUNT: this chapter: 415
WARNINGS: this chapter: none, Brian POV
NON-CANON: Britin is in the countryside outside of Pittsburgh, not in West Virginia
DISCLAIMER: Nothing I can say that hasn’t been said already? Not mine.
Originally Beta’ed by herefordroad, all subsequent mistakes are mine
Story throughout contains excerpts from The Brian Kinney Operating Manual including commentary from the Editors
SUMMARY FROM THE EDITORS: ‘Nothing tangible must remain of hidden…nearly forgotten memories finally being remembered.’
Brian reflects on his coping methods and how damaged they really are
AUTHOR‘S NOTES: This story projects 59 years into the future and reflects all that that entails, many of the loose ends are tied-up. I dance with POV, I dance with time, in essence, I just dance to the song Brian & Justin sang to me.
Contains: Brian_others, Justin_others. They grow old, they are always together for just as long as time allows, but, ultimately, they will die.
As someone wise once said, ‘In the end, it’s all about Brian and Justin’ and I can only agree
A Time From Now
Same Week - Pittsburgh
He only read one, that first one, never again. For this to work he needed to remain blissfully unaware. Nothing tangible must remain of hidden…nearly forgotten memories finally being remembered. To reread, even once, what he’d written to Justin nearly imploded the whole thing even before the process had had a chance to matter. Now, the next morning, he remained vague, had he or hadn‘t he write anything? had he or hadn’t he sent anything? Did he only think or did he actually do? Did anything of importance leave through his fingers on the keyboard? Maybe someday he’d know but not now.
He knew that there were ways information could be found if he wanted but since he didn‘t…simple. Once a week, twice every once in awhile, he’d dump his protected self into a virtual journal and email it into the ether or to Justin whichever or whoever got there first.
And Justin, smart shit that he was, knew nothing. Once, only once he started to voice…concern. Justin considered making the virtual real so he, naturally, had no choice but to resort to silence and Justin had played it safe ever since. After all, he really was a genius. Even so, some mornings he remembered. Through the haze he would remember sitting engrossed at the computer for much of the night, hitting send just before dawn, he would even remember some of what he’d written but not much, never too much. So they would pretend and that would work because all he really knew was that he had to do this. He had to.
The Brian Kinney Operating Manual - A Life Examined
the chapter titled - ‘Brian and His Coping Methods: Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don’t’
He’ll continue purging his soul, or at least that part of himself he protects with such dedication, all over his partner for just as long as the process works for both of them. We can’t imagine that being anything less than forever. The missives will change over the years becoming less about purging and more about simple communication because Brian will never find it easy to talk face to face, one on one, about difficult things even with Justin. Sorry, he just won’t. So he’ll use these emails as his form of debate…of expression…of absolution and, in some cases, as his form of romance. He will become very good at them. Sometimes they will border on prose, sometimes even on a kind of poetry and for him and Justin, in whatever form, these missives will work always.
Next Chapter: Brian reflects on his real estate options as they relate to the big picture
for original post & additional chapters, please see here