CHAPTER TITLE: Finally Fade Away_Sixty-Six of One Hundred
RATING: this chapter: PG
WORD COUNT: this chapter: 525
WARNINGS: this chapter: some angst_editor POV
DISCLAIMER: Nothing I can say that hasn’t been said already? Not mine.
Originally Beta’ed by herefordroad, all subsequent mistakes are mine
Story throughout contains excerpts from The Brian Kinney Operating Manual including commentary from the Editors
SUMMARY FROM THE EDITORS: ‘But, before that light at the end of the tunnel is found, there will be ten little Freuds'
Brian manages with a little help from, well…you know the rest
AUTHOR‘S NOTES: This story projects 59 years into the future and reflects all that that entails, many of the loose ends are tied-up. I dance with POV, I dance with time, in essence, I just dance to the song Brian & Justin sang to me.
Contains: Brian_others, Justin_others. They grow old, they are always together for just as long as time allows, but, ultimately, they will die.
As someone wise once said, ‘In the end, it’s all about Brian and Justin’ and I can only agree
A Time From Now
Finally Fade Away
Nightmares - the Ending - Pittsburgh
The Brian Kinney Operating Manual - A Life Examined
the chapter titled - ‘Brian and His Coping Methods’
Eventually his demons become somewhat domesticated, tamed in a way, and he learns how to cope. Even if, in some very real sense, they never will be brought completely under control. And even if he will have to fight them all of his life, he and they will learn how to successfully co-exist within him. So, the nightmares start to fade. Not so much, at first, that he’s really even aware. At first they become just a little less intense. Enough so he doesn’t need to leave his warm bed in the dark of night. He doesn’t need to worry whether or not he’s out of cigarettes or Beam or even what time it is because he or his current trick, which is number five by our reckoning, will be able to, with little trouble, get him back to sleep. This will take some time, but ultimately will become easier and easier. Then the nightmares become less frequent. Instead of annihilation or carnage three or four times a week -- remember how in the beginning it was five? -- he starts having them two or three times a week, then one or two, until finally they only come every once in a while.
But before that light at the end of the tunnel is found, there will be ten little Freuds -- two are really more Jungian than Freudian, but no matter -- who all do what they can to help him get his head on straight, who all do what they can to help him keep the system from a completely code-red kind of failure.
Four are a new kind of trick, one a new kind of lover, four are old friends and one is Justin, his partner, ten in all. Justin will, naturally, help him most successfully and not necessarily because he’s there with him in the middle of the dark night, but because he’s there with him for the journey. He can talk to Justin in ways he can’t with anyone else, even if that communication is mostly done only through emails. It’s this, more than anything else that will help him save his sanity. It doesn’t matter whether or not he remembers writing his missives or whether or not he really remembers sending them to New York just before night turns to morning. Sometimes it’s just the act of trust itself that matters. And in this he trusts only Justin.
But, honestly, for a while it’s anyone’s guess just how close he’ll come to the edge of that peaceful abyss. And how close he will come depends entirely on how wild a dance he dances. And for a while, it’s a pretty wild one indeed. With sanity being such a very fragile thing and with Brian also being so very good at denial, for a while anyway, there is the very real possibility of a Red Cross level disaster. Of a complete system melt-down. But…only for a while. Do we hear a collective sigh of relief? Thought so.
Next Chapter: Lindsay remembers the recent past and contemplates the future.
for original post & additional chapters, please see here